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Submitted on
September 27, 2008
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Chapter 65: Pages 11- 18. by taeshilh Chapter 65: Pages 11- 18. by taeshilh
This one's a biggie, be careful. Sue looks like she's floating in the first panel, but I think that's to give the effect that she's separated from everyone else as she was the sole witness to Mike's "sacrifice" and stuff.

Lily's dialogue is also the worst ever, I wish I coulda changed it. She's meant to sound smart, but man does she sound kind of retarded here.

Also I can't draw hands carrying a body, aaaaa

Lucy is so clearly illogically dependent.

The last panel on page 18 was a freaken BITCH. First time ever doing that kind of perspective, I don't think I nailed it.. but hopefully it makes sense!

There's many more flaws I can see, but I really should save it all up for the commentary when this is posted on the webpage XD See you Tuesday.

Pages 1-4: [link]
Pages 5-10: [link]
Pages 11-18: What you see now.
Pages 19- 24: [link]
Pages 25 - 28: [link]
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BeanNPeas Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2009
lol yashy
LittleScorpio Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2008
The suspense continues...

I love the consistency of the inking throughout the pages in terms of quality.

A few things I see though. Lucy, when she is kicking Paulo and punching David... her anatomy seems off. Also, in panels 6-8 on page 18, is Lucy smiling?

Ohhh poor Lucy. I love how Lily takes charge, though.
taeshilh Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2008  Professional General Artist
She was meant to appear rubbery, it was supposed to be cartoony, as hard as it is for me to say that XD Like I always hate using that reason because it's like "SCREW ANATOMY I GOT MONEY", but I don't know. I think in that one instance I just wanted her to just.. fling like a rubber band.

She is smiling XD
jackprower Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2008
You know, for some odd reason on page 14, when McCain states that Mike fell, it oddly reminds me of Gimli in LOTR and how he says that Aragorn fell.

I don't know, McCain reminds me of Gimli, it's the short stature, the clever intelligentness and witty stuff that he does. So every time I read that I saw McCain, but heard John Rhys Davies... You should look into him to voice act, oh yeah! lol!

Aside from that, this is spectacular, you have shown great improvement as an artist through the past couple of months than many artists who take years to improve this well! Kudos!
Selphite Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2008
Hoooly crap! That was intense! I've been reading this since last week, and I haven't posted a little feedback in a while.. so I guess I'll give it a shot.

Firstly, AMAZING JOB with the new layout of the comic, it's very dynamic and fits in well with how you make your characters interact with each other. The comic layout has its flaws as they do, as some panels are small and hard to make out, and with all of the character interaction, it's hard to see subtle details to characters' movements and motions, yet these small nitpicks pale in comparison to your previous work, where there were problems with reading text sometimes. However, that's nearly gone now; you've come a long way. Overall, amazing job, just amazing.

Next, I wanna talk about Lucy. WHYYYYY IS SHE SO EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO MIKE DKJFSLAJFSKAHFSLGHSALFJEWIJFIJSACKNZFSIFJS, haha, just kidding. I throughly enjoyed the breakdown that Lucy had, but Paulo's noble protection of Lucy after that happens is troubling, how would Paulo take it when they actually find Mike and she goes running back to him? I really don't want- "SHIT JUST GOT REAL!" -wait, what the?-- -gunned down- moment. Oh well, the catporn satisfies me, so I won't elaborate on my whining about this anymore, except I lol'd at Lucy's moaning when David poked her boob, naughty naughty David.

MikeXLucy forever, Sandy's been out of the picture way too long, and I hate her for basically putting a chastity belt on Mike, especially when Lucy obviously wants to hit that (besides Paulo of course), and she's probably getting busy with some manly cat and leaving Mike presents to make up for it-- RRRRRAAAAGE. Oh well, can't blame her really, long distance relationships are troublesome.

If it was too long and you didn't wanna read, I'll sum it up for you with these words: GREAT. JOB. GOOD. UP. WORK. KEEP. IS. LUCY. MIKE. BANG. TO. WANTS. ...not in that order though. (Seriously, all aces work, you're gonna do great things with those cats).
DavCube Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2008
Yashy: King of Subtlety.
SoftMonKeychains Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2008  Professional Traditional Artist
HOLY COW, THEY KILLED KENNY!!!! YOU BASTAR....oops, wrong script, lol! I mean.....ZHCXSHDH!!! THEY KILLED MIKEY!!!!
Poor cattie, hope that is alive!
And David is just so naive and pervert!!!!!! I wanna him!
And teh most useful life saver!!!! (I was ironic in this sentence)
Oh boy, the last panel will just like the trip to the center of Earth!!!!
sloopygoop Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2008
Oh wow, this is an incredible story!
It's really cool to see each character having something to do in this story. (For instance, the birds getting help, Yashi reacting dramatically to the bump game and to Mike's plunge of death, David being wacky and perverted, Lucy being both dependent and kickass, Kizuna being her clumsy self.) I think the last page is my favorite, with David apparently delighted to be chased by a bear. That very last panel is pretty crazy too. Paulo looks like an epic hero as he plunges down with Lucy.
I wonder if Paulo will take advantage of Lucy's temporary state of adherence to him. He seems like he's being very noble, actually, and wanting to help her.
I'm not quite feeling Lucy's breakdown...but it was done really snazzily. And the "people getting knocked off the cliff because the very last person has inertia" thing has definitely been done before, but you did it plenty well. It was fast-paced enough to be deliciously, horribly funny.
Aw man, so glad to be reading this.
taeshilh Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2008  Professional General Artist
I think it's just Kizuna being clumsy as always when she knocks everyone out XD I think it is a cliche thing to happen, but Kizuna in particular I felt would be fitting to cause that because she always ruins everything that requires a lack of clumsiness "XDDD"
Dark-Dragon-Rod Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2008
oh shi-!

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